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Errnt Rrssl
Errnt Frdrnk Rrssl, more commonly, '''Errnt Rrssl '''was technically a Reich general. He is most known for his incompetence and his great failure at the Battle of Lhasa. Currently, he is thought to live in the mountains of Norway, though he could as well be dead. Early Life Rrssl was born in Frankfurt, Germany to his father, Frdrnk Rrssl, a German farmer and his mother, Aglne Frssbrg, a German technician. In his early childhood, Rrssl would work often stay home with his mother while his father went to work on the farm, never really getting to connect to him. When he did come home, he would often drunk and angry, beating Rrssl and his mother. One report states his father would bash a bottle against a young Rrssl, putting him into a coma. When he awoke from his half a year long coma, young Rrssl was traumatised and would be taken away from his father, being taken to his grandparents to live with. The scaring of this would forever haunt him, he would always hear a hat or sorts to cover the scars that adore his head, due to him going bald in said regions. After a few years, his grandparents would kick him out, due to him being a 31 year old living in a basement. Middle Life Being a loser, he had no job. It was once reported that his mother, who loved him very much, couldn't bear how much her son was a loser, she later died due to said reasons. Rrssl would spend the next couple or so years living in orphanage, living off welfare. Whilst sitting down, Rassel was thinking to himself, weather he should steal from that old women that lives a street away from the orphanage, she was crippled and it could be easy. He decided to do steal from her, while trying to cross the street, he would be mugged. When they left, they took all his clothes and money, the little he had (stolen). The orphanage would just close their doors on Rassel, refusing to let him in. Naked, in the cold streets of Germania, this obviously caused trouble with authorities. A pursuit would follow after Rassel tried to steal lollies from a baby. He would be able to outrun the police until eventually being smacked in the head with a shovel from a local citizen. Rassel would be arrested and spend two weeks in jail. While in jail, Rassel impressed his guards with some magic tricks he learned from a magic book he had read a few years ago. When the head officer of the jail noticed Rassel trying to steal soap, he would start arguing to Rassel over how he shouldn't steal soap, Rassel greatly disagreed. The argument would end when Rassel challenging the officer to a game of chess. The officer, whom was good at chess was completely awe-inspired when he was defeated by Rassel in a strategic masterpiece, like as if Rassel could predict his every move. In denial, the officer demanded a rematch, he did so and lost again, even faster. Rassel, who was surprised to learn he was pretty damn good, on his release would decide that maybe, just maybe, if he could join the military, he could get some money and eventually book it before war began. Rassel would make his way to the doorstep of the home of high-ranking Reich general, Arnold Disney one morning. Upon knocking on his door, Disney, dressed in a sleeping gown, would see the eager man on outside his door. When Disney had enough of Rassel knocking and yelling at his door, he let the man in. Rassel would begin to beg Disney if he could join the military, Disney's neighbours and family would see this. Feeling embarrassed, Disney grabbed the middle-aged man by the ear and took him to his room. Disney would go on a rant for many minutes, Rassel the entire time seeming dumbfounded. When Disney noticed that Rassel wasn't paying attention to a single thing he fucking said, already tired and embarrassed, gave in and let Rassel join as his personal protege, just to get him to leave his house. Rassel was absolutely happy with now having the job he, still didn't have a home, he would proceed to knock of Disney's door again. Literally just kicking him out a few seconds ago, Disney busted the door open to see Rassel once more. When demanding him what he wanted again, relying with him needing to stay with Disney due to him not having a house. Current Life Possible Death Many theories have gown around stating that Rassel could very well be dead as he's not been seen in a month, his last appearance was seen in a grocery store in Bergen, running away from the police as he had stolen a baby. Legacy Weltreich He is condemned, seen as a loser. Nuuk Empire He is condemned, seen as a bigger loser. Australasia Australasian Premier Julius Wallong, during an interview, was asked about his opinion of Rassel. He simply sniggered and asked for the next question. The AAR hold no official stance on Rassel, though many governmental figures have commented that he is a loser. Category:Shitposts Category:Non-Canon Category:Losers